The Bob-Can-Do-It-All Show

Some of my coworkers have had discussions of a show, where I'm just filling in for different professions. In one, I'm a dentist. Another, I'm a car mechanic.

I'm thinking I'm a bit like Dr. Nick, and everything I do will fall apart. Cleaned your teeth? They're falling out now. Changed your car's oil? It falls off its axles, the wheels fall off, start to roll away on fire, the engine explodes, and a bird craps on the windshield.

You get the picture. So, I've finally decided on a small segment I can record, in which I am a wizard, performing a simple object-permanence magic trick. Debating whether to spoil it further here, or just go and do it when I get home.

flower words

Pansies as a symbol for "thought" is a fairly direct word-relation to the French pensées (thoughts).

I had thought of sunflower ("himawari", 向日葵) as day ("hi", 日) turning ("mawari", 回り), but it's not exactly that, though I feel it is closely related. (回 vs 向).
This page has a much better (bilingual!) explanation than I can muster.

"Hana kotoba" (花言葉) literally meaning "flower words" or "flower language" has some pretty old roots, and I'd not be surprised if the basic concept came from ancient times. I think it's a pretty neat means to construct meaning!

Software that lies to you

For the past couple of years, I have been intermittently considering ways in which software could lie to you - that is, present you with one interface that looks like it is meant to do one thing, and which then does something unexpected, transparently or otherwise.

For example, the lowly "login" page. It presents you with a username field, a password field, and a "login" button. The general contract you expect is that everyone has an unique username, which correspond to unique accounts, and passwords are not shared. A "lying" version of the page may treat your username as the password, and the "password" as your username, and go post it to a publicly-visible page of "currently logged-in users".

Another example to consider: the "helpful" email client.

It presents you with your To:, CC:, subject line, and body, and offers helpful features like autocorrect and spellcheck, fixing and/or notifying you of your typos as you go along. When you send, you have the satisfaction of looking in your "sent items" folder and seeing your nicely-spelled email.

Meanwhile, your recipient receives an email filled with all your original typos, "jsut aksing, whrere did you find that piece of infromation?" and even your carefully-reconsidered-and-edited-out phrases, "PEBKAC^H^H^H^H^H^HFat-fingered again?^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^HPlease check to make sure that you are typing the password you think you are typing, and that your capslock is not on."

Software that lies to you can be more insidious than viruses and malware, which are often flashy, and people make a big deal about them. Mendacious programs may go undetected until you do some in-depth tests. It's easy to tell that a program is doing something wrong when it opens up a thousand connections to your neighbors and starts reading your password file and sending copies of itself over the network. It's a little less obvious when a program neglects to dot some Ts or cross its eyes.

Lepathy

Squandered lepathy; to lepathy or not to lepathy has been considered far too long, and now the point is moot. Mooting of the minds has come, and it's wasting far more than a terrible thing. Sacre bleu, I'm typing already! Where are my manners? They're all wide awake while my womaners are still in bed, I suppose.

Pandering to apathy, appeasing pandas, what's the use? They'll bamboozle you in the end, and you won't be able to woozle your way out.

acne dance - yet another strange garnet strange garnets - they are ye heart

Le Morse

Since I mentioned the walrus in my previous post, I thought I'd bring this one back:

I am the walrus. You know, the one sitting outside your bedroom window. I suppose that should something smell fishy, you can just coelacanth the window.
Do you ask why a field burns or a plague spreads? Then don't question my porpoise. Alright, enough with the puns. I've already established that I'm the pundit, no ordinary punchinello, here to dole out punishment. But what grievous offense hast ye committed that I was sent? Well, it was just a response to an SOS you gave. Yeah, nice try, with that Latin there, but 'Morse code' does not entail lining up short and long dead people in patterns, as the name would suggest. No, my friend, I must be your jailer. The penalty: storage in a were-house.
The walrus then proceeds to bite a corner of the house, and then leaves. An eyebrow remains fixedly raised for the rest of the day on the perplexed boy's brow. That night, however, the house begins to shift and morph, and grows a silvery coating of fur. The windows become eyes, the kitchen, a stomach, the attic, a dusty and unused mind, and the small peaks above the attic windows, nervously twitching ears. round and round the hoar-haired house turns, in search of its long lost tail. The boy-inhabitant became frightened at his new wall-carpet, and at the odd howling and whining sounds apparently coming from somewhere very near. He was on a scary-go-round, and there was no way off.
From that night on, he was generally a somber and taciturn veck, letting others answer the questions at school, even if he knew the answers. He tended to be a loner -- a lone wolf, even. Some speculated, but none ever guessed the experience that caused his silence. He was scared for life.

Jack and Code

entropy dysphagia interrogation room royalty
lavatory smash; intelligence brash
Hellkites have nothing on me.

What I want is love, and a little bit of paper to write my thoughts on.
I want that paper to be multifaceted, have secret pockets, be able to change the world around me in subtle ways.

Whirligig famish bramble-bottomed skylarks and another day has gone by.
The warthogs keep the dogs at bay... sometimes.
When elephants get angry, do they stop to consider the walrus? No, because they're not being imaginative enough, and they're not forgetting what they will never.

Anisotropic filter and a tall glass of jack and code.
I'll jack with your code if you let me. I'll let you look at my code if you want.