Last night I had a dream in which I sabotaged my character in a school sponsored creative competition between students in the gifted program. Like I would gently tap a red felt tip marker on a student's painting they submitted. I think I did some other things too, that interfered with fairness or letting people's full potential shine. And I got nasty looks from one of the teachers that caught me. And eventually they were done giving me the benefit of the doubt that it was just nervous habits or whatever, and as they were coming over to escort me out I saw myself out. And walked home, on thin, mediocre-quality sidewalks by busy streets, in hot summer heat. I found my water bottle behind a telephone pole, picked it up, and moved along. That was the end of the dream, as far as I can recall.
This dream seems to come out of my recent feeling that I'm moving along too hastily without really knowing what I'm doing.
I ran over a stop sign yesterday (there's more details, but I'll spare you them). In the seconds that preceded and for the duration of most of the evening that followed, my experience of the world, largely of sight, that I noticed, changed. Colors were less colorful but most things were brighter, almost washed out, and contrast was more obvious to me.
I thought I'd stop making decisions -- drive myself home after everything, but after that, only travel as a passenger. Good choice, mistakes coming from a place of unease and haste happen in groups. Mistakes still happened, but not car-related.
I ended the night leaving a party, having made a poorly-related joke (-1) in poor taste (-2), that wasn't received well (-x, but subjectively -a lot), and walked half a mile in the hot downtown city evening to catch a bus. That wasn't a bad physical experience, but I wasn't in a good mental place.
I'll make no further pontifications on this besides here were some things that happened, in life, and in my mind, and they were clearly related.
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